Appreciation

I have to say that I really appreciate my aides.

I’m down to only having nursing overnight. Used to have nurses 16 hours a day and now only 8. My aides don’t have any obligation to fill an empty nursing shift, but they always do.

The nurses make almost 3 times as much as my aides and never fill in when the other calls out. I don’t even get an attempt by the agency to fill the shifts. Tonight’s call off happened on Wednesday and the agency just e-mailed me and said my nurse can’t work Saturday night. My aide was around when I got the e-mail and offered to help immediately.

My one nurse is quitting in a few months and I’ve been stressing myself on how to fill it. Do I just dump the nursing altogether? Do I trust the agency to find a reliable nurse? These questions have been driving me crazy.

I think for my sanity I have to dump the agency and the nursing. I just get too little from my nurses. The agency has a bunch of dumb rules. They have to fill out paperwork for everything I do. They are here for my vent care and not to keep track of what I drink and how much I shit.

I’ve also been disrespected and judged by my nurses. Maybe it’s because these aides worked for me before I got my trach and just couldn’t walk. They know I’m not helpless and am a very private person. More than that I feel like my aides actually care about me and respect me. I never got that feeling from my nurses or agency. The agency always says that they care, but actions mean more than words. If you care then I wouldn’t have to worry about filling these shifts myself. Also my aides never call off at the last minute unless they have a major reason. I had an aide crash her car and still try to come to work this winter. Come to think of it, I’ve also had other aides in the past that had accidents and still came to work. That shows people that truly care.

For the nurses it’s about the money. For my aides it’s about my well being. For me it’s about my life.